Herri Widodo and Damayanti KhoerunissaA sincere and mutual love between a woman and a man should end in a marriage. In places on Java, a marriage occurs due to the decision of a loving couple or due to the wish of their parents. This has been a matter of principle since the ancient time. A Javanese proverb says: "Tresno jalaran saka kulino". It can be translated as "love grows as you get more used to each other". Up till now, a Javanese always stays close to the family. Family solidarity is of prime importance.
The Proposal
The parents of the man (would-be-bridegroom) send an envoy to the parents of the woman (would-be-bride), proposing that their son is willing to marry their daughter. Nowadays, for practical reasons, the parents of both sides can talk directly. The parents of the couple have to approve the marriage.
Usually, the parents of the would-be-bride have a greater say, as they are the ones who organise the ceremony. They are the ones who choose which kind of wedding is chosen (among other Paés Agung - great make-up - or Paés Kesatrian - knight's make-up - which is more simple). Every marriage pattern differs in make-up and dresses for the bride and bridegroom.
They plan the wedding ceremonies which must be followed, such as Peningsetan (traditional engagement), Siraman (bathing ceremony), Midodareni (ceremony on the eve before the wedding), Panggih (ritual meeting). There has also to be decided what kind of dresses the parents should wear, what kind of batik pattern, which colour etc.
The Pemaes and the wedding committee
A complete Javanese wedding ceremony has several complicated traditional rituals. In that event, the role of a Pemaes, a traditional make-up woman who leads the whole ceremony, is very important. She takes care of the make-up and dressing of the bride and bridegroom, the different kind of offerings, the different kind of ceremonies during the event, etc. Usually, she can also lend a complete wedding dress, ornaments and equipment necessary for a wedding party.
The wedding party should be prepared carefully as it contains a lot of things to do, no matter which ceremony is chosen. A small committee of close relatives and friends from both families is set up. The size depends on the size of the party and on how many guests are invited (300, 500, 1000 or more guests). In fact, a wedding ceremony is a big show, reflecting the families' standing in the society.
This committee has to organise the whole wedding: the wedding protocol, food and beverage, the gamelan music and dance, decoration of the reception hall, the master of ceremony, siraman, witnesses for Ijab, welcoming speech during the reception, transportation, communication and security. The most important thing to prepare is the execution of Ijab (the religious and civil registration), which legalises the couple as legitimate husband and wife.
Siraman Ceremony
Siraman means to take a bath. For the couple in the wedding ritual, it means to become clean, their bodies as well as their souls. The Siraman ceremony is usually organised in the afternoon, one day prior to the Ijab and Panggih rituals. Siraman of the would-be-bride is conducted in her parents' residence. For the would-be-bridegroom, it is conducted in his parents' house. The place of the Siraman is usually in the family bathroom or in a place specially designed for this purpose (garden). Nowadays the second alternative is more common. The list of persons bathing the couple is important too. Besides the parents, some elderly distinguished women are invited. They are selected on their good moral behaviour. The number of people giving Siraman is usually limited to seven. Seven in Javanese is PITU, so they are giving PITULUNGAN (m eaning help).
Several items have to be prepared.
- A big bowl, usually made of copper or bronze, filled with water from a well or a spring
- Setaman flowers - rose, jasmine, magnolia and cananga - to be put in the water.
- Colourful powder - five colours - functioning as soap.
- Traditional shampoo and conditioner (ashes of rice straw, coconut milk and tamarind juice).
- 2 coconuts, tied up together, to be used as a water dipper (Gayung)
- A small chair, covered with:
old mat - white cloth - several kind of plant leaves - dlingo benglé herbs (plant used in medicines) - bango tulak cloths (4 patterns) - lurik (striped woven materials with YUYU SEKANDANG and PULA WATU design). - White cotton cloth to be worn during Siraman
- Batik cloth of Grompol and NAGASARI design
- Kendi - earthenware flask with a neck and a spout.
Traditional Sajen (offering) in Javanese ritual is considered very important. It has a deep symbolic meaning. We request protection from God, the Creator. We remember our ancestors, for their souls should live in peace eternally. We hope to get their blessings. We hope not to meet evil spirits and beings. We hope for a safe and successful ritual.
Siraman's sajen consists of:
ROBYONG, a yellow rice cone with decoration- Tumpeng GUNDUL, a yellow rice cone with no decoration
- Cold food
- Bananas and other fruits
- A chicken egg
- A peeled coconut and some coconut sugar
- Seven kinds of porridge
- Sweet cookies and cookies made of glutinous rice
- A cock
- A lantern
- Telon flowers (cananga, jasmine, magnolia).
family of the would-be-bride should send an envoy to the family of the would-be-bridegroom, bringing a small bowl of water and flowers. This holy water, called banyu suci PERWITOSARI (holy water, symbolising the essence of life) should be poured in the water in the bridegroom's house.
